It’s hard to explain my feelings because they are all mixed up and they are all felt at different times. It’s been about a month since I arrived in Huelva now and I still can’t believe it sometimes. The funny thing is, most times I can. It may sound strange to some of you, but to me I almost feel as if I’m home. I feel like I never left and that I’m truly meant to be here right now. It’s honestly the best feeling in the world to feel as if you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. I wasn’t afraid when I left like I was when I studied abroad. I haven’t fallen into a ball of tears from homesickness and loneliness(yet), but that doesn’t mean I haven’t felt those feelings. I am extremely frustrated by my job sometimes and I am living with Spainards, which in itself can bring problems because there are differences between my culture and theirs, which leads to confusion and sometimes judgement (on their part, not mine).
Buyer beware, not everything is as it seems on the blogsI love my job, I do. But sometimes it's frustrating. Not everything is as it seems when they describe your job. When programs like this refer you to blogs from current auxiliaries you are often looking at their blog posts in April and May, when things are wrapping up and all they have to say are great things. This is because they have adjusted, they have lived through it and are finished with their job. Sometimes you need to sift through older ones to find the real genuine posts, about their struggles, frustrations and true feelings. This job is hard, it's not the hardest I've every done, and it's not hard by any means compare to a normal job (12 hrs a week, seriously), but there are different difficulties that come with it. I work with about 5 different teachers, and am only the classroom for 30 min at a time with them. Which means I only get to the see the beginning or ending of a lesson, or interrupt their lesson to do an English one and it just seems very chopping up. In addition, I'm not teaching English at my IES. I'm teaching: Geography, History, Ethics, Physics, Natural Sciences, Algebra and Music. Do I sound qualified for half of those things? Nope! And if you know me, you know that I can barely do 12/2 or 6x9. So yea, I'm highly unqualified and get very frustrated when I don't know the answer or have to look for the teacher to give me the solutions to problems. It's also frustrating when I walk in and the math teacher goes, "here, please tell them how you say all these operations in English, and then walk them through writing out these formulas". Ugh....okay, I don't know what a third of those operations are. There's also a couple other teachers who just simply don't know what to do with me, or don't really seem to want me, but I suppose I just need to work on softening them up and helping them figure out how I can help them.
My second job is really good too, but it's also just as difficult. I'm teaching, like really teaching, and it's a lot of work. I have to lesson plan, and read the book ahead of time so I know what I'm teaching. I've never actually taught English, and the books here for teaching English don't exactly spell out conjugation, and I have no idea to explain it. So there's that, and there's the fact that they are bratty 14 year olds, and a couple of them are just plain annoying.
Then of course there's the Spanish roommates. I love one of them, but the boys are another story. I've basically cracked it down to the fact that there are culture differences between us and one of them (the Spanish boy from Sevilla) simply hasn't had contact with foreigners before and has no idea how to handle me. He has no concept of respect of other cultures and has no desire to slow down his speech for me. He judges what I eat, when I eat, what I do, and how I speak. He also has the general stereotypes of Americans, we're all fat and lazy and eat poorly and are self-centered, so obviously I don't know Spanish well enough and he needs to use his bad English with me. Yea, he's a jerk. But I've decided to take it all in stride, deal with it and try to remind myself that he has never had any experience with someone who's not from Spain, so just relax, and besides, who cares what he thinks about how I act and live my life, the only person that matters is me. :)
Okay, I'm done complaining now, but I thought I owed it to the world to let them know that not everything is as it seems. There are difficult parts about being abroad, stereotypes to battle and different work environments. But, with the help of my Father and through prayer I have been able to get through it. It's been difficult being the only person who's Christian (much less Catholic) and has distinct points of view. I don't wave it around and act like I'm better and I certainly don't bring it up in every conversation. I'm not stupid and I'm not going to parade it around, but it's been made known simply by my interest in churches, in my active search for a good one to attend and a couple of things said here and there. That's the biggest challenge to me, but I've meet some nice people who respect me for it and that's nice. I had the pleasure of explaining myself and the Catholic Church last night to a friend and I really enjoyed the conversation. I hope that I'm able to keep this momentum while I'm here because it's hard, but I know I can do it. Please keep me in your prayers, and I'll keep you all in mine.
And with that I leave you with a verse that has inspired me since I've been here.
"Fight the good fight of the faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called" 1 Tm 6:12This quote has helped me in so many ways, not only in defending my faith, but in reminding me to live my life to the fullest and live it in the way that God intended me to live it. I am called to a wonderful life, and I can never forget that.
No comments:
Post a Comment